Widows


The 17 Years that Wasn’t…A Love Lost to Cancer

mcmretreat08 (8)It took me a minute to get this post together because I was sobbing through writing it. January 10th would have marked 17 years that the amazing man I called MY husband would have kept me as his wife. I say "kept me" because he was just such an amazing soul that kept ME in line. Sure I am a powerful mind but I have to say that God brought us together for our minds to be powerful together. He listened, he provided guidance and he was a true friend that never left my side. When he made his transition 3.5 years ago, I was devastated. I internalized most of my pain and kept busy to mask the shear fear of living life without him by my side. I consumed myself with work, tried dating too soon and just kept my mind busy because I did not want to accept the real truth that he was no longer here.

 

He was a good Christian man and we prayed together daily. As I reflect on how life has been without him, it still sometimes seem surreal. He was such a peaceful man, didn't like to argue and kept the rooms of our home filled with praise music DAILY! While he didn't really bring me flowers, he grew some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen and that I haven't seen since he passed away. We didn't always go out to dinner at fancy restaurants because he loved to cook and was always cooking dinner for us at home. We both loved cats and he developed a love for dogs that got me loving dogs and cats now! We both wanted to save the world and make it a better place. He loved focusing on the family system and marriage ministry. I loved marriage ministry, animals and helping women. We were a perfect match.

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I still keep busy with things that matter to me, which just so happen to have mattered to him as well. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together. I honestly miss him and thinking about The 17 Years that Wasn't I know we would have still been going strong. He came into our marriage with the notion that "divorce is not an option" and he lived by that every single day. While neither of us were perfect and we had our various challenges, we worked through them because we both believed that the family system matters so much.

 

So how did I spend the day that would have been my 17th year anniversary?

  • I didn't get to cook him an anniversary breakfast and he didn't get to fix me one of his creative dinner meals
  • We didn't get to hold hands and pray for our marriage and thank God for another year of marriage
  • I didn't get the anniversary card under my pillow or the sticky note on the mirror
  • I did however get to reflect on the amazing man that he was and how much he taught me about marriage, life, love and patience
  • I got to reflect on how much I still value marriage, listen to praise music; and even pray with my dogs and for others
  • I got to reflect on mistakes I have made since his death and to think about WWJS "What Would James Say?"
  • I got to humble myself before God

I am so thankful for my time with God and time to reflect on what I need to do to continue pressing forward and healing. I am looking forward to what 2016 will bring in the form of financial, emotional, spiritual and health miracles in my life and others. I can't wait to share with you what God is doing!

 

Cheers!

 

Dawgelene (Dawj)


Are widows considered single?

 

 

Tyler Perry Studios!

Tyler Perry Studios!

by Dawgelene "Dr Dawj" Sangster- I visited the Windy City Live studio recently and had a chance to chat with the amazing Valerie WarnerWe were chatting about Tyler Perry's new movie, Single Moms Club, and in being single moms, although Val is currently engaged to the awesome Jeff Cartwright. I was sharing my story of being a recent widow and life being different for me now in being considered "single" again, but it wasn't by choice.20140305_122732

We shared a couple of single mom stories, but one thing Val said was, "we don't always choose to be single. Sometimes things happen beyond our control that forces us into it".  She was right! In my case, as I am sure with many women who are single, especially as widows, it just wasn't a choice that we woke up and decided that tragedy would strike and we would become single. I didn't make the choice for my husband to develop brain cancer and survive 10 months afterwards. It happened and while the feeling has been uncomfortable, to say the least, I know that it becomes a choice now for me to press forward with the life changes that I must endure now.

Someone said to me that I have adult children and I am widow so I can't really be considered single. Oh REALLY?! Don't make me cuss as a PK (preacher's kid). Since when do the ages of my children matter when there is no King in my life to help me plan weddings, attend college graduations, walk the girls down the aisle, encourage the boys in their marriages, mow the lawn, pick up dog poop from 3 dogs and the list goes on? C'mon, widows don't have mates so we ARE considered single. However, regardless of the pain I have had to endure in being a single widow after 15 years of marriage to a great guy, I EMBRACE CHANGE !

 

I am looking forward to seeing Tyler Perry's movie just to get some laughs and enjoy a fun night out with the girls. Be sure to check out the movie, Single Moms Club, scheduled for release on Friday, March 14, 2014. It is sure to be a great movie!  As an added bonus, enter our contest to win some great swag HERE.

 

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