Today marks what would have been the 51^st birthday of my dear sister that passed away last summer, June 24^th. My girl Tonya was a sight to behold and such a joy. Our connection was special because our birthdays were 5 days apart (mine Feb 3^rd and hers the 8^th), we always enjoyed extra cake and ice cream. Growing up helping to take care of her because she was a special needs child, we enjoyed many days and nights playing games in the room we shared and in our bunk beds. I can recall her poking the mattress while I slept on top, and me dropping balls of tissue in her face as she slept on the bottom. I remember the Elmer’s glue fingernails I used to make on the windowsill that she would peel off and pretend she didn’t do it. We had so much fun together and I will never forget her favorite color of Red, that she loved hotdogs and cold soda, and that she loved dolls.

Yes she was a special need child and she was amazing. Anyone that has children, relatives, friends, or siblings that have special needs know that it requires a lot of work, love and patience, but it is so worth it. Of all of my siblings (all much older than I am), her and my brother that died in 1995 was the closest to me in age and spirit, and understood me the most. I thank God for the time I had with them and the wonderful memories I have now that keep them alive in my heart!

Happy Birthday Tonya! R.I.P

SCREAMING, “ARRRGGGHHHH”! It is just one of those days where my mind is planning a gazillion things and I wish King James was here to just listen and provide instructions from a spiritual and natural perspective, like he always did as the King. I have a solid spiritual foundation and I am thankful that God and my hubby trained me spiritually as a runner would be trained for a marathon naturally. Yes, King James was a walking bible and man of God that I was so blessed to have. So while I am equipped with all the spiritual tools I need to travel this journey alone in the natural, it doesn’t mean that I don’t get spiritual “running cramps, sore,” or just have those days where I need to scream, cry, hug my pillow and just be alone with God, like today because my heart aches from the absence of my hubby and his kingship!

James always believed that I had the spiritual and mental strength of an army of angels and he believed I could conquer anything. I do and can! I just wish the King was here leading me and cheering me on with his wisdom and inspiration. Simply put, King James wore the pants and commanded our throne with no fear!

Please keep lifting me up in prayer and know that I feel your prayers, love and thoughts from afar. I love you more than you know!!!

BridgePort Art Center

1200 West 35th Street, North entrance parking lot (4th floor)

Chicago, IL, 60619

December 13, 2010 @ 5:30pm

We will never forget and want to take time to remember our loved ones that lost their battles this year or previous years.

Lets celebrate and honor them by hanging an ornament on a tree at the gallery. I will be honoring my hubby, sister, grandma and brothers!

We will encourage one another, pray for one another and remember our loved ones, all while enjoying music, snacks and tasty drinks from Auchentoshan, N’ticing Ngredients and Taylor Made Invites.

For many that don’t know, October encompasses the day my hubby James “unofficially” proposed (16), my son’s birthday (17) and James birthday (22). Since it’s coming up on 3 months since James death (21st) and with my son on tour in Afghanistan, its a bit MORE emotional for me. (Hey don’t judge me, I am being honest here so work with me please).

I pop out to show my face at the Social Excellence event on Wednesday night, showing support for my homeboy Nicoh David. I leave the event and I am on the way home, praising God, listening to TD Jakes and preaching to my rearview mirror and the back seat. (Don’t give me that look you do it too). Anyway, I get ready to get on Lake Shore Drive at Rooseveltin Chicago, and I hear this thumping on my car. WHAT? I jump out to look and my tire is flat! DEAR JESUS SON OF GOD HEAVEN AND EARTH!! Ok, I back up 1.5 blocks (don’t judge me I told you), turn around and go to the gas station on Wabash and Roosevelt road.

What do you think is the first thing I did? Take a guess. I picked up my phone to call my hubby James! Then I said, “wait he’s not here”. I thought about calling my son and realized he wasn’t around either. I sat there for a moment, rain pouring down outside, and I was a bit broken with tears in my eyes. I called my daughter Amber and she got her  boyfriend to offer to come and help. I then looked at my hubby’s obituary that I keep in the car and started talking to him (Ya work with what you have people). I started to cry and told him how much I really relied on him without giving it a second thought. He was my keeper, my king, my protector, my shield, my angel; and he would have been there quickly to rescue me.

Anyway, the car was taken care of and on the drive home, I finished preaching my sermon to myself, I thanked God for having a “ram in the bush” for me (with my daughter and her boyfriend saving the day), for not allowing me to be driving on the expressway when the flat happened, for the many years that he loaned James to me, and for getting me home safe and snug in my bed. #GodIsLove

Make it a great night FB family!

October 16th 15 years ago, I received a phone call from a guy I was dating at the time (James) to tell me that he loved me and missed me. He then asked to speak to my daughter who was 9 at the time. She leaves the room and they have this 10 minute conversation. She runs back to hand me the phone and she is just smiling and bubbly. I get the phone and asked him what he said to her. He said,

“I told her how much I loved you, her and her brother. I told her that I enjoyed spending time with you all and that I wanted to make it more permanent. Then I asked her if it was OK if I walked up to you one day and said, “He whispered my name, would you marry me?”

Ok, that flew OVER my head. I started fussing and he said well, will you? I was like HUH? WHAT? Are you serious? Over the phone? My daughter was jumping up and down with her brother so I arrogantly said, “I’ll think about it but can’t really answer until I get a ring” We chatted a bit longer and then I hung up and dreamed about him that night. Time went on and I went on about my daily routines but the thought was there that he actually proposed to me in an odd sort of way. He later “officially” proposed with a ring (i will share that story later).

The lesson is that he accepted me and my children and that while I did not have my dad around for him to ask, he thought it was important enough to inquire with my children and get the “green light” before proceeding. We were married for 13.5 years until he lost his battle with brain cancer July 21, 2012. I do these reflections to remind myself and others that each memory is so precious and that I would take all of the challenging days we had just to hold my best friend again.

Love unconditionally! #BeautifulMemories

About Jim Allen:

Jim Allen runs Tha Movement University. TMU is a multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-lateral public initiative of PEACE.  Jim Allen went from Sports Coach to Life Coach. He’s also a Writer, Blogger, Lecturer, Philanthropist, and Activist. He has been featured in various Local and National Newspapers. News and Radio Stations, as well as Northwestern University Medill School of Journalism. You can connect to him at:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

Dawgelene “Dr Dawj” Sangster- Growing up in the Englewood community in Chicago, there are stereotypes placed on its residents before people even get to know them. Having been born and raised there, I know first hand how people can label you by your zip code and address before you even speak a word. From my experience, there were many single parent households and it was a sense of pride when two-parent households were found. There was also a sense of community and support for others that are not always depicted in the media or conversations in referencing the African American community.  I also know that there are many young African American girls and boys that have big dreams and are not out selling drugs or hanging out on street corners, like it is often depicted in the media. Recently I watched a movie by filmmaker Mark Harris called Black Butterfly that was a painful reality of what many young girls and women experience, but also a snapshot of what true family life and unity is like in the African American community, when we come together to support one another.

When first watching the film, I was pleased with the exhibit of a two-parent household in the African American community with parents working and sitting down for dinner with their children. Oftentimes, we are not portrayed as a well-to-do family so it was refreshing to see a Black mother and father supporting their children and taking care of their family. When events began to unfold in the movie, I began to relate to what happened to “Butterfly” from personal experiences and her attitude; being disconnected, sheltered, internalizing what happened, depressed, feeling at fault, and not wanting to be touched by a male. I was also able to relate to her thoughts of suicide during that time because I felt like there was no reason to go on in life and didn’t think that anyone cared.

During the movie, there were several scenes that stood out like the analogy of the leaf that personally symbolized the idea of “never giving up”. When we think of a leaf, it doesn’t know what the future holds, but it will still grow and transform until its life cycle ends. There was a part when a character’s father told him that it was OK to cry and embraced him, which exhibited the strength of many Black men and their commitment to fatherhood. There was a moment when the victim’s mother explained how many victims feel when they have been sexually violated and what goes through their minds, which is a very important part of the movie. There were several “puppy love” scenes between two of the main characters and them wanting to save themselves for marriage, which showed that not all teens are having sex, and also promoted abstinence until marriage. There were many parts of the movie that hit home but that was also important teaching moments for young boys and girls of today.

“Black Butterfly is a powerful movie that touched on so many realities of today like rape, family support, suicide, depression, fear, lying, faith, special needs, love and unity. It shows that while so many women are able to move beyond the pain eventually and live a purposeful life, oftentimes they are not. When they are not able to move forward, what do we, as a community, do about it? Black Butterfly is a MUST SEE movie with a talented group of actors: Mahogany Monae, Keeland Ellis, Richard Gallion, Sheree Bynum and Lionel Gentle. I even caught a glimpse of Dwayne Hirsch and Shanara Sanders. Director Mark Harris did a great job with this movie that brings home so many important topics that should be discussed, especially with younger girls that may not understand their options in having a voice and a choice.

Purchase the movie here